Self-Compassion Practices That Actually Work: 5 Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself
What are self-compassion practices and how can they transform your mental health and happiness? Self-compassion practices are evidence-based techniques that help you treat yourself with the same kindness you'd show a good friend.
As someone who spent years being compassionate to everyone except myself, I've discovered that these practices are essential for preventing burnout, reducing anxiety, and creating lasting inner peace.
“Rather than wandering around in problem-solving mode all day, thinking mainly of what you want to fix about yourself or your life, you can pause for a few moments throughout the day to marvel at what’s not broken. You.”
— Kristin Neff
I've always considered myself to be a compassionate person—following the Golden Rule as best I can by treating others as I'd want to be treated. But lately, I've realized that my compassion has never really included myself.
This is something I'm actively working to heal because when I'm just giving, giving, giving without replenishing myself, I start feeling those familiar feelings of burnout coming on—tiredness, crankiness, and wanting to hide out in a cave under a blanket.
But when I'm in balance, receiving love as much as I'm giving, it feels GOOD. Like, really great. Self-love and compassion aren't luxuries—they're essential for sustainable wellbeing.
The Science-Backed Benefits of Self-Compassion
There's been extensive scientific research demonstrating that practicing self-compassion creates measurable improvements in mental health and life satisfaction:
Mental Health Benefits:
Reduces anxiety, depression, and stress significantly within weeks of practice
Increases motivation and resilience during challenges
Boosts happiness levels and overall life satisfaction
Enhances emotional regulation and balance during difficult times
Physical and Emotional Wellbeing:
Improves body image and self-acceptance
Enhances self-worth and confidence
Fosters resilience during life transitions and setbacks
Reduces cortisol (stress hormone) and inflammation
Relationship Benefits:
Improves relationships by reducing defensive reactions
Increases empathy and compassion for others
Builds emotional safety in intimate partnerships
Creates better boundaries and communication skills
So if you're one of those people who has an easier time taking care of everyone else but yourself, and you're starting to feel those familiar burnout feelings coming on—it's time to start turning that love and care toward yourself.
Here are five of my favorite self-compassion practices that always fill my cup, and I hope they fill yours as well.
5 Powerful Self-Compassion Practices to Transform Your Life
1| Read Books About Self-Compassion (Build Your Foundation)
Why this works: Understanding the science behind self-compassion helps overcome the mental resistance many of us have to being kind to ourselves.
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself was the book that really started me on the path to becoming more kind and loving towards myself, and as dramatic this my sound…this book totally changed my life.
Self-Compassion by Kristen Neff on Amazon
Why Kristin Neff is the expert to trust: She's an Associate Professor at the University of Texas who has spent over a decade studying the effects of self-compassion. Her research has found remarkable transformations when people become more compassionate toward themselves.
What makes this book special:
Research findings combined with personal stories
Practical exercises you can implement immediately
Scientific backing for why self-compassion works
Step-by-step guidance for overcoming self-criticism
Each chapter includes information and research findings, Neff's personal experience, and self-compassion exercises you can use right away. I found the book to be incredibly helpful and enlightening—it really sparked me to start practicing self-compassion daily.
I’m also working through Kirstin’s companion workbook right now, The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and I’ve found it to be an excellent companion to her book.
The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook is based on Kristin’s groundbreaking eight-week Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) program, which has helped tens of thousands of people all over the world.
The workbook is based on Kristin's groundbreaking eight-week Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) program, which has helped tens of thousands of people worldwide.
It includes beautiful guided meditations, simple practices, and inspiring stories of people using these techniques to address relationship stress, body image issues, health concerns, anxiety, and other common struggles.
If you're just starting your self-compassion journey or looking to deepen your practice, I highly recommend reading both these books!
2| Start a Self-Compassion Journal (Heal Through Writing)
Why journaling transforms self-compassion: Writing has always been deeply therapeutic for me, and if you feel the same, you'll find incredible value in this powerful exercise.
This beautiful self compassion journal activity is from Kristin Neff’s website, where she shares several free self-love exercises.This one is my personal favorite because it helps you literally rewrite your inner dialogue.
The 3-Step Self-Compassion Journal Method:
Part One: Acknowledge Your Struggles (5 minutes) Which imperfections make you feel inadequate?
Everybody has something about themselves that they don't like—something that causes feelings of shame, insecurity, or not being "good enough." This is the human condition. We're all imperfect, and feelings of failure are part of living a human life.
Your practice: Write about an issue that tends to make you feel inadequate or bad about yourself (physical appearance, work challenges, relationship struggles). What emotions come up when you think about this aspect of yourself? Try to feel your emotions exactly as they are—no more, no less—and then write about them honestly.
Part Two: Write from Love (10-15 minutes) Write a letter to yourself from an unconditionally loving friend.
Now imagine a friend who is unconditionally loving, accepting, kind, and compassionate. This friend sees all your strengths and weaknesses, including the aspect you just wrote about. They love and accept you exactly as you are, with all your very human imperfections.
This friend recognizes the limits of human nature and is kind and forgiving. In their wisdom, they understand your life history and the millions of experiences that created you as you are in this moment. Your struggles are connected to things you didn't choose—genetics, family history, life circumstances outside your control.
Write a letter to yourself from this friend's perspective. What would they say about your "flaw" from unlimited compassion? How would they convey their deep care for you, especially for the pain you feel when judging yourself harshly? What would they write to remind you that you're beautifully human, with both strengths and struggles?
Part Three: Receive the Love (5 minutes) Let the compassion soothe and heal you.
After writing, put the letter down for a while. Then return and read it again, really letting the words sink in. Feel the compassion pouring into you, soothing and comforting you like a cool breeze on a hot day.
Remember: Love, connection, and acceptance are your birthright. To claim them, you need only look within yourself.
3| Practice Ho'oponopono Forgiveness (Ancient Healing for Modern Life)
Why this Hawaiian practice works: I learned about Ho'oponopono from a friend who'd been using it daily to find peace during a difficult situation, and it's become one of my most powerful self-compassion tools.
What Ho'oponopono means: The literal translation is "to put to right; to put in order or shape, correct, revise, adjust, amend, regulate, arrange, rectify, tidy up, make orderly or neat." In essence, it means putting yourself back together lovingly through forgiveness.
Why I love this practice: Ho'oponopono is extremely simple yet profound. All it requires is repeating this mantra whenever challenging feelings or situations arise:
“I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I’m sorry.
— Ho'oponopono Mantra
The healing premise: We are 100% responsible for everything that comes into our experience, and the best way to heal whatever might be showing up is by loving and forgiving it, allowing us to live in gratitude in the present moment.
How to practice:
When someone irritates you: Use the mantra to clear your emotional reaction
During self-criticism: Apply it to your inner dialogue
Before stressful situations: Repeat it to center yourself
Any time anxiety arises: Let it stop spiraling thoughts in their tracks
I've been using the Ho'oponopono mantra throughout the day whenever difficult emotions or situations arise, and I've found it instantly calms me down. It's so easy to spiral into anxiety when something challenging enters our awareness, but this simple mantra stops anxious thoughts from taking over.
4| Use Supportive Touch (Activate Your Body's Healing Response)
Why physical touch heals: This beautiful exercise from Kristin Neff's website is deceptively simple but incredibly powerful for activating your nervous system's calm response.
The science behind supportive touch: Touch activates the care system and parasympathetic nervous system to help us feel safe and calm. It may feel awkward at first, but your body doesn't know that—it simply responds to the physical gesture of warmth and care, just as a baby responds to being cuddled.
Research shows that physical touch:
Releases oxytocin (bonding hormone)
Provides security and emotional regulation
Soothes distressing emotions naturally
Calms cardiovascular stress and lowers blood pressure
Hand-on-Heart Practice (Try this now):
When you notice you're under stress or being self-critical:
Take 2-3 deep, satisfying breaths
Gently place your hand over your heart, feeling the pressure and warmth
Feel the touch of your hand on your chest (you can make small circles if you like)
Notice your natural breathing as your chest rises and falls
Linger with the feeling for as long as feels good
Alternative supportive touches to try:
One hand on your cheek
Cradling your face in your hands
Gently stroking your arms
Crossing your arms in a gentle self-hug
Hand on your abdomen
Cupping one hand in the other in your lap
Practice tip: Try this during difficult periods several times a day for at least a week. Some people feel uncomfortable with hand-on-heart initially—feel free to explore where gentle touch feels most soothing on your body.
Hand-on-Heart Practice (Try this now):
When you notice you're under stress or being self-critical:
Take 2-3 deep, satisfying breaths
Gently place your hand over your heart, feeling the pressure and warmth
Feel the touch of your hand on your chest (you can make small circles if you like)
Notice your natural breathing as your chest rises and falls
Linger with the feeling for as long as feels good
Alternative supportive touches to try:
One hand on your cheek
Cradling your face in your hands
Gently stroking your arms
Crossing your arms in a gentle self-hug
Hand on your abdomen
Cupping one hand in the other in your lap
Practice tip: Try this during difficult periods several times a day for at least a week. Some people feel uncomfortable with hand-on-heart initially—feel free to explore where gentle touch feels most soothing on your body.
5| Say Self-Love Affirmations (Rewrite Your Inner Dialogue)
Why affirmations work for self-compassion: We can't change our tendency to blame, criticize, or put ourselves down unless we catch ourselves in the act and consciously reframe those thoughts. Self-love affirmations provide the new script your mind needs.
How to use affirmations effectively: The next time you catch yourself having negative automatic thoughts, pause and replace them with a self-love affirmation instead. This isn't about toxic positivity—it's about treating yourself with basic human kindness.
11 Powerful Self-Love Affirmations:
"It's okay to make mistakes and forgive myself"
"I am free to let go of others' judgments"
"It is healthy to take time to heal"
"I deserve compassion, tenderness, and empathy from myself"
"I release myself with forgiveness from today and move forward with self-love"
"I forgive myself and accept my flaws because nobody is perfect"
"My best is good enough"
"I live with an open heart"
"Change is never easy, but it's easier if I'm gentle with myself"
"My origin is love"
"I am worthy of the same kindness I give others"
Making affirmations stick:
Write them down and place where you'll see them daily
Say them while practicing supportive touch for deeper impact
Choose 2-3 favorites rather than overwhelming yourself with too many
Use them as phone reminders throughout your day
Practice them during your morning or evening routine
How to Build a Sustainable Self-Compassion Practice
Start small and be consistent:
Week 1: Choose just one practice and try it for 5 minutes daily
Week 2: Add supportive touch when you notice stress or self-criticism
Week 3: Incorporate affirmations during negative self-talk moments
Week 4: Try the journaling exercise once this week
Remember: The goal isn't perfection—it's progress. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you develop these new habits. Even small amounts of self-compassion practice create meaningful changes over time.
Common Self-Compassion Obstacles (And How to Overcome Them)
"This feels selfish"
Self-compassion isn't selfish—it's essential. You can't pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself gives you more energy to care for others.
"I don't deserve kindness"
This thought itself is exactly why you need self-compassion. Everyone deserves basic human kindness, including you.
"It feels weird or awkward"
That's completely normal! These practices can feel strange at first because most of us weren't taught to treat ourselves kindly. The awkwardness fades with practice.
"I don't have time"
Most of these practices take just 2-5 minutes. You have time for what you prioritize, and your wellbeing deserves to be a priority.
Your Self-Compassion Journey Starts Now
Self-compassion isn't a destination—it's a practice. Some days will be easier than others, and that's perfectly okay. The goal is progress, not perfection.
Start today with this simple question: What would I say to my best friend if they were feeling exactly how I'm feeling right now?
Then give yourself permission to receive that same kindness.
You deserve compassion. You deserve tenderness. You deserve to treat yourself as lovingly as you treat others.
Which practice calls to you most strongly? Trust your intuition and begin there. Your heart knows what it needs to heal.
Continue Your Healing Journey
The Gratitude Jar: A Simple Guide to Creating Miracles
Self-compassion through gratitude practice
For anyone who struggles with self-criticism: This memoir shares how gratitude practice helped me develop self-compassion during my darkest moments with depression and addiction. The Give THANKS method includes powerful self-forgiveness and self-love techniques.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
“An easy read with a profound message. It's about how the power of being positive can change someone's whole life. Good things come to those who can appreciate what they already have been given.”
Simple Serenity: Five-Minute Meditations for Everyday Life
Guided practices for inner peace
Perfect for: Anyone wanting guided meditation support for self-compassion practices. Includes a beautiful Ho'oponopono meditation and loving-kindness practices for developing self-love.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
"These short meditations fit perfectly into my busy life and have helped me be so much kinder to myself."
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